I need to define a project. Step zero. When the work begins the fatigue will cease. When the fight begins the mind locks in and you have an objective — that’s the only time you feel comfortable. Rotting away in that waiting room in your mind is what will kill you, it’s what will make you miserable forever. You’ll be sitting in there fighting a mirror, punching away at a reflection. You need a mission, you need a fight that will keep you alive. It’s always purpose, purpose, purpose.
Posts like these can really do it. I probably need this space for myself, though. I think I need this area that no one knows about. You need that space that you can keep to yourself, a private garden for your mind. The walled garden of the mind, where you test new breeds and just go wild for your own sake. The purpose is to experience what it is to be free of judgment — especially your own — and then you can take that energy and bring it out to where it’s needed. This is the breeding ground for what you can cook up for others.
The trick that most people don’t learn is the uncoupling of the work and the self. Connecting the work to yourself is ego, it’s treating what you’ve created like it’s part of you. It’s not. it’s the exhaust fumes of your mind, and you’re just learning to blow smoke rings. You get a good one and a bad one here and there, but all you really need to think about is how you’re going to do the next one. The judgment is never about you, and even if it were it wouldn’t matter.